


Damian's Birthday

by beary_scary



Series: Bat Bros For Life [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, OOC, Swearing, What Was I Thinking?, because i wAS THIRTEEN, because its jason, that's an actual tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25717861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beary_scary/pseuds/beary_scary
Summary: It's Damian's 16th birthday and Jason wants to introduce him to their tradition of taking the Batmobile out for a joy-ride.This is part of an old fic I posted to fanfiction.net in 2015 (i was 13 so please be nice)I am going to post each chapter as a one-shot in this series in hopes that it will inspire me to write for this fandom again.
Relationships: Damian Wayne & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne
Series: Bat Bros For Life [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865332
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69





	Damian's Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> (I know that the ages are inaccurate, but I am making them like this for the story)
> 
> Jason (Red Hood): 21
> 
> Tim (Red Robin): 18
> 
> Damian (Robin): 16

"Pssst! Wakie-wakie, Asshole Assassin."

Damian blearily opened his eyes to see Jason Todd standing above him. "What do you want, Todd?" He snarled.

Jason chuckled, "Calm your tits, brat. A little birdy told me that today's your birthday. So get up!" He yelled in Damian's ear.

Damian scowled and thought back to who could possibly have remembered the date of his birth.

"I am going to gut Drake and rip his intestines out."

Jason raised a questioning eyebrow, "Isn't that what gutting is?"

Damian glared at the twenty-one-year-old, "Shut up, Todd. Or I will gut you as well." He threatened.

"Whatever," Jason shrugged. "Get your tights on and meet me in the Cave." he started to walk out of the room.

"You better have a good reason for waking me up at," Damian glanced at his alarm clock, "five in the morning."

"It's your birthday, Brat," He smirked at the confused newly deemed sixteen-year-old, "We're taking a joyride."

~~ ******************* ~~

"Out of all of your ridiculous and slightly suicidal plans, Todd, this is your worst one yet."

Damian, dressed as Robin minus the mask, and Jason, dressed as Red Hood minus the helmet, were standing in front of the, newly polished, Batmobile.

"Come on, it's tradition." Jason insisted.

"I don't care if it will make Drake less annoying, I am not getting into an enclosed vehicle with you," Damian said.

Jason jokingly put his hand over his heart, "Why, Damian, you wound me. Don't you trust me?"

"No."

"Well sucks for you."

~~ ******************* ~~

Jason pointed to one of the switches, "And that one can blow up the whole Northern Hemisphere."

Damian rolled his eyes, "Thank you. Very educational."

Jason shrugged, "I know. Now, do you know how to drive this thing?"

Damian smirked at his older brother, "Most definitely not."

He slammed his foot on the gas pedal, causing the tires and the leather jacket-wearing mercenary, to squeal.

~~ ******************* ~~

"DAMIAN! THAT WAS A TREE STUMP!"

"You think I don't know that?" Damian asked casually.

"Well, I was trying to assure myself that you were at least A LITTLE SANE!" Jason yelled from the passenger seat.

"I thought that you knew by now not to assume such things, Todd." Damian grinned.

Jason was pretty sure that Damian only grinned when he was talking to his cats, or when he was either emotionally or physically harming someone.

_"This is the GCPD. Please pull over the black vehicle."_

That's it.

Jason snapped out of his panicking state, put on his helmet, and rolled down the window, "IT'S THE BATMOBILE, FUCK-UPS!"

"GET YOUR STUPID FACE IN THE CAR, TODD!"

"SHUT UP, BRAT!"

Damian shrugged, "I warned you." He, being the brat that he is, flipped one of the blue switches and waited for the Batmobile's reserve battery to power up.

"Wait," Jason pulled his head back in the window, "What are you doing?"

Damian grinned, "You'll see."

"Wha-" Jason was cut off when the Batmobile, rocketed to four-hundred miles per hour. **[1]**

"I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!" Jason yelled at Damian.

"Not if we die in this car!" Damian yelled over the engine.

"IF YOU THINK THAT WE'RE GONNA DIE THEN STOP!" Jason screamed.

"STOP BEING A BABY!"

"WATCH THE FUCKING ROAD!"

Damian swerved out of the way from an oncoming tree.

"At least we don't have to worry about the-"

_"Pull over the vehicle."_

Jason looked out the window and saw a fucking helicopter shining a search-light onto the Batmobile.

"DAMIAN! GET US OUT OF HERE!" Jason yelled.

"I'M TRYING!"

"WELL TRY HAR- FUCKING DEER!"

"TODD, THAT IS DISGU-SHIT!"

The car swerved side to side before crashing into a fire hydrant.

~~ ******************* ~~

Jason opened his eyes and moaned in pain. All he could remember was Damian, the Batmobile, a fire hydrant and a…helicopter?

Jason heard Damian wake up next to him. He was about to ask him what happened when-

"You two are fucking stupid."

Jason and Damian looked across the room to see Tim in his Red Robin costume, maskless, smirking at them.

"What happened, Drake?" Damian growled.

Tim shook his head mockingly and approached the two, "I wouldn't be speaking in such a rude tone when I'm the one who saved your asses from the cops."

"Wait," Jason cut-in, "you saved us?"

"Yep." Tim nodded.

"How?" Damian asked.

Tim smirked, "You two dumb-asses crashed into a fire hydrant but I saved you from getting majorly injured. Then, I distracted the GCPD by hacking their radio signals and faking a museum break-in." He finished.

Jason stared at his little brother incredulously, "You did all that just so we wouldn't get in trouble?"

Tim's smirked softened into a smile, "Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

Jason was about to reply, when Damian interrupted, "What did you do with the Batmobile? Didn't it crash?"

Tim laughed, "After my sixteenth birthday, I knew that when it was your turn, something bad would happen. So I made a decoy Batmobile."

"A back-up-mobile. Good idea, Babybird." Jason nodded in approval.

Damian looked at Tim skeptically, "What do you want in return?"

"What? Nothing," Tim answered.

"I find that hard to believe." Damian scoffed.

Tim smiled a true smile, not a smirk. "Just think of it as a favor."

"There has to be a catch." Damian insisted.

"Nope," Tim started for the exit, "but Happy Birthday, Damian." He smiled before leaving.

…

"Wait," Jason looked at Damian and laughed, "Did Tim just do something nice for you and you didn't say something completely bitchy to him?" He chuckled.

"Shut up, Todd."


End file.
